Notes from Phone

We live in such a tangible world that we often overlook just how much of what happens or doesn’t is largely a result of our internal beliefs about ourselves — and less so our actual physical capabilities. Truthfully, the human species is pretty dang incredible. We’re all capable of continually learning, growing, and refining to an astounding degree. Yet, the older we get, we’re also that much more prone to becoming the ones blocking ourselves from moving forward on our convictions simply as a result of fear. Fear that is not grounded in truth, but the kind that is muddied up by a heavily distorted perception of ourselves and the reality we live in.

Often times it can originate from a single distinct scenario of “failure” in the distant past or maybe the culmination of incessant and repetitive discouragements from a few close people in our lives. The sample size of this data is so small to the point where it is statistically insignificant in determining any sort of soundness of theory. And yet, we let it fester inside us, ruminating on it night after night for years until it puffs up totally out of proportion; until it is no longer a separate entity of a thought, but very much a unified part of our automatic and subconscious existence; a distorted truth coloring our view of the world around us and dictating what we can or cannot do. If you are familiar with it, its presence is loud and it carries a big stick.

There are still so many nights when I jolt awake, hands tingling and back stiff from anxiety — as if my body knows for certain the disastrous outcome that will inevitably occur. But these days I get up, take some deep breaths, drink a cold glass of water, and pay it no attention. Because I know a little better now that this feeling, no matter how real it feels, is not truth. I do not want to let it dictate any more of my outcomes.

Life moves by so quickly, and it’s too short to be wasting it away in fear. So I’m doing my best to separate myself from this thing that I have allowed to dwell inside me for far too long. It will take some time, but I see progress. And I only hope the same for everyone else who is finding themselves on this very path.